Dating…How Young is Too Young?

So, we’re parents of teenage, high school aged young men. I have affectionately called them “my boys” because at one point in our lives, it was just me, “Shell and her boys.” However, from the time they were two and four, I made it very clear, I was not raising boys, I am raising men. They learned the importance of being gentlemen by holding the door open for me, their grandmothers, and any woman, including their sisters because ladies are special. They took out the trash, learned how to clean the kitchen, bathroom, and help with any heavy lifting. Two of the most invaluable lessons I intentionally poured into them were one, to understand the power of their words, and two, know the power of their presence. My goal in all of this was to help them become aware of their place as men is this world; a healthy man, honorable husband, and a loved father. The closer they get to graduation, college, and adulthood, the more I reflect on how these early lessons will impact their future. They are both brilliant, articulate, respectful and responsible young men and I pray for their success.

Throughout their earlier years, just as daddies do with their daughters, I would take them on a date every other Friday night…my attempt to show them kindness, teach them good manners, seizing the moment to tell them how handsome they are, and the opportunity to teach them the importance of their virtue – their heart should not just be given away (a costly mistake too many adults have made). In truth, their heart should be given to someone that they believe is as special and unique as they believe they are…someone they would be proud for me, their grandmothers, and sisters to know. Showing them the way, versus only telling them words that could go in one ear and out the other as life presents various challenges –especially as their relationship with “girls” become a pressing reality.

Fast forward a few years and dating is now the topic on the minds of so many youth. Society embraces what is pushed through social media, movies, tragedies of the rich and famous, and most relevant, familial successes or failures that shape their perspective. I would often share with the boys that it’s great to have lots of friends. To be careful who you make your friends, and know why you like someone as a friend. In the same way, a girl they might like in elementary school, may not be who they like in high school. I would discourage titles at such an early age reminding them their words have power – and titles often lead to action, and actions lead to expectation.

So, how young is too young to date? I say, date as early as possible! Set the expectation that your son or daughter is the most important part of any relationship – meaning who they are should be respected, honored and cherished. As parents, the example we set is one that should be referred to over and over as their relationship with society and people change, and as they evolve to become the person they love and respect the most.